Approximately 90% of your life is lived internally. Your thoughts, your feelings, and your beliefs will have a larger impact on how you experience life than any single person, event, or situation. Your thoughts are with you when you’re alone, and they are with you when you’re surrounded by people. They are even with you while you are sleeping and dreaming.

With such a large impact on your life you would think that your thoughts and beliefs would be worth paying attention to. Or at least that you would want them to be supportive of living a happy, easy, and joyful life. But when is the last time you questioned your thoughts and beliefs to see if they were in line with such ideals?

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This article is about a way of living that naturally promotes happiness, health, and well being. This is not a philosophy. This is not a religion. This is just a certain way of living in the world which promotes a stress free life. And it is completely up to you if you want to adopt it or not.

I know from past experience that you’re going to respond to this in one of three ways. Either you’re going to hate me and try to attack me in some way. You’re going to be afraid of me and try to deny this somehow. Or you’re going to have one of the biggest realizations of your life. Which way you respond is completely up to you. Just like everything else in life.

On that note let’s get started, shall we?

Right or Happy

Have you ever seen a couple who are just constantly fighting over things? You know the kind. The couple who is constantly blaming one another for taking the last cigarette. The couple who is always arguing over who’s right. Every time they are with each other they are miserable.

When talking to such a couple there is a popular saying that I like to use. Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? If you’d rather be right, if you’d rather spend all morning arguing over who took the trash out last night, then you’re going to be miserable. It’s that simple. Either you can choose to be right or you can choose to be happy.

This is always the first step in this process. Would you rather be right, or be happy? Would you rather be afraid, or happy? Would you rather be miserable, or happy? Would you rather tell people that you are happy, or would you rather be happy for real?

Choosing happiness is always the first crucial step in changing your mind. It seems like such a simple step too. Who wouldn’t want to be happy, after all?

But upon some deep thinking you may realize that you have chosen otherwise. You have chosen not to be 100% happy. There is something that you are allowing to upset you. Maybe you don’t like your boss or your coworkers. Maybe you don’t like your parents. Maybe you don’t like something that someone did to you five years ago. Maybe you still can’t get over your ex. I don’t know what it is.

But I know that you are probably not 100% truly happy with your life all the time. You have probably chosen something else instead of being happy. Take right now as an example. Are you happy right now, in this moment? Or are you something else. And why. Why would you want to be anything else than happy right now? Why aren’t you anything else but happy right now? Why haven’t you chosen to be happy right now, in this moment?

The first step in this process is to choose to be happy regardless of your external circumstances. This is the part where I usually see some resistance. This is impossible! What if x happens? I can’t! You’re an idiot! I would rather hate my boss! Etc, etc.

The truth is that you have the freedom to choose your state of mind at every moment, regardless of your external circumstances. Not only do you have this freedom, but you are constantly exercising it, regardless of whether or not you believe that you are. That is the simple truth.

If you don’t like this, or if you can’t accept that you have this freedom for some reason, then you are sending yourself to hell. Not in the future, not after you physically die, but right now in this very moment you are sending yourself to hell.

Why do this to yourself? Choose to be happy. Right now. Make that choice. It doesn’t matter if you’re poor, old, bald, on your death bed, etc. You can choose to put your happiness above all of these things right now if you want to. Or you can run screaming into the forest shouting, “the horror! The horror!” like everyone else does when I tell them this.

The Secret

If you’re still reading this I’m going to assume that you’ve made the decision that you would at least like to be happy. You may not know how you’re going to do it yet. But you’ve at least looked at happiness and looked at misery and decided that you would rather be happy. Right?

But life can be so hard sometimes, can’t it? Life is always throwing you curve balls and fast balls. Things don’t always go your way. You get fired. You lose your house. You never seem to get those straight balls that are just down the center, do you?

Well, I have a little secret for you that will change your life.

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Stop batting! Go into the stands, sit down, and enjoy the ball game. Have a beer. Eat some pizza. Watch all the other idiots try to hit the curve balls and fast balls. Do whatever you want. Just stop batting!

The reason you’re so unhappy is because you have failed to accept reality in some way. You didn’t get what you expected, and this is unacceptable. You struck out, and this is unacceptable to you. Someone said something rude to you, and this is unacceptable.

All of this is unacceptable to you, and so you aren’t happy. If you want to be happy, you have to accept the way things are right now. Then do this for tomorrow, and the next day, and the next….

So you struck out. You failed. You’re old and bald. Someone stole your lunch money. Etc, etc. Who cares! Why does it matter anyway? You’re still alive, aren’t you? Once again I ask you, would you rather be miserable or happy?

Accept reality the way it is, and let go of these silly little upsets. Throw them out of your mind. It doesn’t matter what it is. If it subtracts from you happiness kick it out of your mind. Always accept reality the way it is right now.

Mental Noise

After trying to accept your reality all the time, you may realize that you’re still failing at being happy. You still get angry. You still get sad. You still have a poor outlook on life. Etc, etc.

If this were easy to do, everyone would be happy, content, and doing great all the time, regardless of their external conditions. But it’s not, of course. You have to train your mind to do it.

The problem is that your mind is hardwired to help you survive in an animal world. You get afraid and run away. You get angry and charge. You have a constant drive to be doing something, thinking about something, pursuing something. You never feel complete in this moment because you’re always trying to survive and reproduce, which is what your brain is hardwired to do.

So even if you choose to be happy and accept reality the way it is, you may still be miserable. Why? Because you are still going to get bombarded with mental noise. You’re still going to have little thoughts pop up that tell you you’re not good enough. Little thoughts that tell you that you should be afraid, that you should be angry, that you should be jealous. Little thoughts that tell you that you should be something other than happy.

In order to get rid of this useless mental noise you have to disassemble your beliefs and thoughts and then put them back together again. You have to change the way you think in order to be happy.

If you observe your mind long enough you’ll begin to realize the things that are making you miserable and robbing you of your happiness. Then you go investigating for the root cause. The root belief. Once you find it, change it. Rip it out. Let it go. Give yourself peace of mind instead.

I’ll give you an example. Say there is a certain person that you just hate with a passion. Every time you’re around them you’re miserable. You’re not happy at all. You may be angry. You may be scared. You may be confused. But you are definitely not happy when this person is around.

I bet you can probably think of someone right now to use in this example. Someone who you just don’t like at all, who robs you of your happiness just by thinking about them. I’ll give you a moment.

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Now that you’ve identified a source of unhappiness it’s time to go investigating. What is it about this person that you don’t like? What is it about them that upsets you? No, everything is not a good enough answer here. There are likely very specific things about that person that you don’t like. They’re controlling. They’re angry all the time. They’re stupid. Incompetent. They did something that hurt you in the past.

It doesn’t matter if any of these things are true or not. Your goal is to be happy, right? I’m going to skip a few steps here and take you to the root problem. The root problem is that you see them in a light that upsets you. You see them in a certain way that you have deemed upsetting and unacceptable. You have mentally and emotionally rejected them.

In order to overcome this you have to see them in a light that is no longer upsetting. You have to change how you think and feel about them. In reality this usually means forgiving them for some past mistakes. Always remember that this is for your own sake. It isn’t because they deserve to be forgiven, or because forgiveness is the ‘right’ thing to do, but simply because forgiveness will give you peace of mind.

Now go do this same process for every thought, belief, perception, person, etc that steals from your happiness in some manner. It may take a while but you’ll eventually see that you’re life is gradually becoming better and better because of this.

Or, of course, you can run into the nearest forest screaming “The horror! The horror!”. Whatever suits you best.

Present Moment Awareness

One of the key ways of dealing with mental noise, rogue thoughts, and negative thoughts is by maintaining present moment awareness. Instead of constantly worrying about what could happen in the future or being upset over what has happened in the past focus on today, right now, this moment.

In this moment you are completely free. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, but right now you are completely free. Whenever you catch your mind worrying about tomorrow or regretting yesterday, just slowly redirect your focus and thoughts back to right now. This is a quick and easy way to strip the mind of 90% of all the useless mental noise and suffering that it puts most people through on a daily basis.

A key concept to understand in order to maintain present moment awareness is the difference between doing and being. Most people spend so much time trying to do something, trying to become someone important, that they never get a chance to enjoy life. They are like zombies.

Maintaining present moment awareness doesn’t require you to ‘do’ anything. Quite the opposite in fact. It’s all about living life right now. It’s about realizing that you don’t have to ‘do’ anything at all in order to be happy. You don’t have to be anybody. You don’t have to do anything. You just have to be here in the moment, which requires no effort at all. You just have to be.

When I first came to this realization I sat on a bench for hours smiling at the sky. Everyone thought I was crazy.

A Loving Mind

I like to call the above exercises “taking out the garbage”. Everyone goes through this process in one form or another. But what happens after you do this? What is the real point in all of these mental exercises and changes?

The point of all of these exercises is to transform your mind. It is to prepare you mind to accept love. It is to change your mind into a loving mind.

This is another area where I usually lose people to the forest. Love in the purest sense is scary for most people and easily misinterpreted. Just for clarification purposes, I’m talking about having a loving outlook on life. A loving point of view, if you want to call it that. A general loving attitude or energy that you take with you throughout life.

So why should you do this? Why should you let go of fear, and embrace a loving mind and attitude throughout your life?

I can list off several reasons off the top of my head. Happiness, one of the primary motives presented here. Physical and mental health. Peace of mind. Well being, etc.

But the primary reason is because it will not only significantly increase the quality of your life but it will significantly increase the quality of life for everyone around you as well. And the best part is you won’t even be actively doing anything! Once you change your mind into a loving mind you will naturally be helping others in ways that you may never even realize or know about, simply by being who you are.

And the world will be lifted, one person at a time.

I read a book a few years ago entitled The Joy of Living. Actually, I think I still have it somewhere, stuffed away in one of my bookshelves. To be honest with you I don’t remember much about the book itself. Just that it was written by a Buddhist monk and had something to do with living a happy life.

What I do remember, though, are the reactions I received from others. Basically, they ranged from laughter to more laughter. Every now and then someone would elaborate that life is, in actuality, nothing but suffering and misery.

Life is nothing but suffering and misery….What a sad belief to have! What a sad life comes from this belief!

How many happy people have you seen wandering around saying, “life is miserable” or “we are here to suffer”. None. Zero. Zilch. Of course they wouldn’t believe this nonsense to be true. If they did, they would immediately be sad and miserable, like everyone else who believes this.

What do you expect from your life? Do you expect to suffer, fail, and be miserable? That is what you will get. Exactly what you expected. Nothing more, and nothing less. Such is the way it works.

The goal of this article is to give you joy. More accurately, it is to help you discover joy and happiness. But first I must ask, is this what you want? Do you truly want to be happy?

This is an important question here, as the answer will determine your success.

Living on Love

Love is a cause, and joy is the effect. The more you love, the more joyful you will become. Think about it. Are you happy when you are doing something you love? Are you happy when you have or get something you love? Are you happy when you are around people you love? Sure you are. It is all because there is love there.

Let’s take this a step further. Think about all the times you aren’t happy. Are you doing something you don’t like? Are you around people you hate? Did you lose something or someone that you love? In all of these situations, there is no love. And so there is no joy.

Since love is joy, it logically follows that the more love you have, the more joy you’ll have. Increasing your capacity and amount of love, then, is the key to having more joy.

As a concept this is pretty simple to grasp. Love = joy. More love = more joy. But in order to truly understand it, and really see the benefits, you have to put it into practice on a daily basis. This is the part that is easier said than done. But it can be done. You just need to…

Learn to Love

Loving people can be difficult at times. Especially those good for nothing teenagers down by the… Oh, wait, there I go again. I still have trouble with this part myself. But you always have choices to make.

You can choose to hate someone. You can choose to hate your life, your job, your [Insert Here], etc. And of course, you can justify your hatred for anything in whatever manner you want. You can even make stuff up if you want. This person cheated on me. This person fired me. I don’t make enough money, etc, etc. Or you can choose to love people. You can choose to love your life, your job, etc.

Regardless of what you choose, your mind will provide justifications for your choice. If you choose to hate someone, you will automatically see the worst in them. You will see all of their flaws, their imperfections, and their failures. If you choose to love someone, you will automatically see the best in them. You will see what makes them special, what makes them stand out, the good in them, etc.

It’s almost like you’re sending out little vibes. If you choose to hate your situation, you are effectively saying, “show me the ugly, the starved, the cruel, and the hatred.” If you choose to love your situation, you are effectively saying, “show me the beautiful, the good, the perfect, etc.” And of course, the world shows you what you want to see.

These are the only two options you have. Either there is love there, or there is not. One of the choices results in happiness, the other results in misery. You decide which is right for you.

Feeding the Flame

I like to think of love as a flame. It is a flame that never truly gets put out. You can block it, you can run away from it, and you can stomp on it until it is smaller than an ant. But you will never put it out completely. It is still there, in everyone.

Once you learn how to love, you need to learn how to make it grow and make it unconditional. In every aspect of your life, in every relationship that you have, in every moment of your life, you should love it with all that you are and all that you have.

Similar to a muscle, the more you love, the more you will be capable of love. It is like, your love grows more the more you use it. And thus, so does your personal experience of joy and well-being.

In order to make it grow, you need to make it unconditional. By making it unconditional, you will love a greater amount of things and people. Eventually, it will become more of like a lovingness feeling that will accompany you everywhere you go.

There are a few tips for “feeding the fire”, so to speak.

1. Be grateful. If you are grateful for the people and things in your life it will make it easier for you to love and appreciate them.

2. See the beauty and perfection in everything. By seeing the perfection in everything and everyone it will be easy to admire them and love them for who they are.

3. Love life itself. If you just love life in general, then you will likely remain “happy go lucky” for the rest of your life, regardless of your environment.

Overcoming Obstacles

At times it can be really hard to be happy. You just don’t feel good, someone upset you, etc, etc. Unless you’re Jesus, Buddha, etc, you’re almost certain to run into obstacles along the way.

Obstacles come in many forms. They could be hidden beliefs or prejudices that steal your joy. For example, you may have been raised believing that rich people are evil. Whenever you are around a rich person, then, you may hate them for it. And in turn, you will be miserable, and you will lose your joy.

It’s important to work through these obstacles. In reality, they are growth opportunities. Once you overcome them, you will be much happier because you will be that much more capable of love.

Love has a strong tendency to bring about it’s opposite as well. By attempting to love someone, you may realize that you’ve actually hated them for a long time. Whatever the reason, or “justification”, for your hatred is it’s important to work through it. You may discover that you actually have a lot of hidden issues that you need to work through. Remember that even if something is popular doesn’t mean that it is right. Just because your neighbor kicks the stray dog doesn’t mean you should also.

External Factors

While the primary cause of joy (love) exists inside of you, external conditions can also effect your subjective experience of joy and well being. It would be silly to state otherwise, as anyone who has taken any kind of drug or medication can readily attest to this. The primary external things which effect your joy and sense of well-being will primarily be your diet, sleep patterns, exercise, and relationships. I’ll touch on these briefly with what works for me, but keep in mind that what is best for you could be completely different.

Diet

Go drink a few cups of coffee and you’ll see that what you put into your body will also affect your mind. Some people claim this to a greater or lesser extent, and some people go to the extreme with juice feasting and all raw diets and whatnot. The raw diet is claimed by many to give them a sense of “emotional high” throughout the day. However, since I don’t have any experience with these diets, I can’t really comment on them. Generally, I would consider these things to be “healthy” and thus should promote your happiness and well-being.

1. Whole wheat bread

2. Rice, grains, etc.

3. Fruits

4. Vegetables

5. Seeds and Nuts

Generally, I would also avoid these things:

1. Drugs

2. Alcohol

3. Tobacco

4. Preservatives and other ‘non-food’ that often gets put into your food/drink.

5. Excessive amounts of sugar (pop, candy).

6. Excessive amounts of fatty food (dairy, candy).

7. Excessive amounts of red meat. (steak, beef)

8. Excessive amounts of caffeine. (coffee

Of course, the definition of ‘excessive’ is completely up to you.

Sleep

Don’t get too much sleep, too little sleep, or sleep around too much. You may wind up with kids you don’t know about.

Exercise

In general I wouldn’t stress exercise too much. Just make sure you do something to get your heart beat going for about 30 minutes everyday or else you may start suffering from a lack of energy and/or depression.

Relationships

It’s a common belief that you will become like the people you spend the most time with. I don’t know if this is true or not, but if you’re hanging out with someone you’d definitely not want to be like, perhaps you should take this into consideration.

Also, I’ve read studies that say that married people are generally happier and live longer. Again, I can’t say if this is true for you or not, but if you’re miserable being single, perhaps you should give it a shot and see.

Share the Love

Happiness is perhaps the one thing in life that increases when you share it. By being loving and joyous around someone , you not only increase your own joy, but you increase theirs as well. It’s a win win situation. Now go out and share the love!