Today I had a 20 minute phone reading (which wound up taking 40 minutes) with Chris Landry – an intuitive psychic. I’ve never had a psychic reading before, so it was a completely new experience. For the most part, psychic readings follow a specific template. The psychic addresses various issues and gives insight into the major areas of your life – finances, relationships, career, health, etc. What I was aiming to get out of the reading with Chris was something completely different, however – validation. I was looking for further validation that psychic phenomenon are true. And I got it.

Chris covered a variety of insights in a fairly short time frame. Honestly – I wish I could’ve spent more time talking with him. He’s one of those people I would likely interrogate for hours if I met them in person. And when I say interrogate, what I really mean is pick their brain for hours on a variety of subjects. Chris is a rare breed of man.

All of the insights he gave hit home with me, and many of them were about things that were really close to my heart. He mentioned that my mother is trying to reach out to me. This is true. He mentioned that I have a certain loneliness in me. This is true. Working full time, going to college, and having a big family leaves little time to hang out with friends. He mentioned my health – that I should focus more on exercise, and the significance of going vegan vs going vegetarian (which I currently am). Exercise is something that I’ve just recently started incorporating back into my routine, to a small extent. He mentioned that my career as a software developer is a dead end, and will only lead to depression. This is true – and it already has. He mentioned that I will never have to worry about money. This is true. I enjoy financial abundance.

He also talked about meditation some, and he gave me some insights which I will put into practice tonight, such as focusing on my body and navel, specifically. And relaxing more – something which I know I need to do. He also mentioned studying reiki, focusing my website on more of a niche market, and using my analyticical mind to give gifts to the world. Next time I get a reading with him, I think I will be taking notes. The insights were very good, and so plentiful that I’m sure I’ve forgotten a few already.

Ironically, however, it wasn’t the reading itself that provided me with the validation I needed. Throughout the reading he mentioned a certain youtube video about psychic twins. He even told me to write it down. He mentioned this video enough that I immediately watched it after the reading. This is what convinced me. Even though I had never seen the video before in my life, I always ‘knew’ what was going to happen next. I knew what the psychic twins were going to say. Before they even said it. Throughout the video I received a lot of intuitive hits. They were all 100% accurate.

I’m going to add this reading to my evidence for psychic phenomenon, along with my telekinesis experiments, spontanous healings, out of body experiences, and my NDE. The insights he gave me could not be sheer coincidence. They were very accurate, and were all very relevant to my life.

I also picked up something else, albeit not directly from Chris. In order to improve in your life, whether it be spiritual, financial, or with relatinships, you have to be man enough to admit that you need help. Throughout the reading there were several occasions where my ego wanted to object. But I know that. But I’ve been there. But that’s not true. I don’t have a problem in this area. I’m so used to greatness that somehow it has become more important than finding God. I need to work on this. Perhaps focusing more on my heart will help me with this.

All in all, the reading was great. I’m walking away with a lot of insights that I wouldn’t have gained otherwise. Where I go from here, I do not know. But I’m sure that, by getting a reading with Chris, my life will be following a higher path.

Thanks Chris.

It’s been a while since I’ve done this. Automatic writing, or the act of simply writing down your thoughts as they come to you, is something I’m doing now because, quite frankly, I have nothing to write about. Or, more accurately, there’s nothing that I feel particularly inspired enough to write about at the moment. So I’m now just writing the shit that will be coming through my head for the next few minutes. Yes – that’s your only warning.

I’m sure you’ve had those blah moments a time or two in your life. I’m going to talk to you, whoever you are, as though you are here with me. My imaginary friend, as it were. Only you exist in the future, and you’re a real person. Which makes you all the more special.

So anyway, the blah moments in life. The moments where you aren’t really sad. You’re not worried. Not afraid. Not guilty. But you’re also not overwhelmingly joyful, either. You’re just kind of neutral. You’re just, existing, as it were. It’s times like these that my mind starts wandering the most. Ultimately, it’s usually in a negative direction. Until I become consciously aware of it, that is. Then I put it back into it’s place. It still amazes me how drastically I can change my mood just by changing my thoughts. Ahhh! The world is full of beautiful butterflies again! Bam! Suddenly I’m happy in la la land again.

But on the rather odd occasion, I like to entertain my thoughts, regardless of what effect they may be having on my emotional states. This seems to be one of those times. Again.

There is one particular thought that continues to creep back into my thoughts system. It is a particularly disturbing thought of death, despair, and hopelessness. It is primary reason that I become sad in life. I know that, at some point, it is going to end. Or do I?

I’ve been questioning this thought for some time. If Christ is real, this thought must be false. If Christ is false, this thought must be true. There is a stark division between the often spoken of spiritual reality that many people allude to, and the day to day life that we find ourselves in. Are we just deluding ourselves? Is this just wishful thinking?

Several people take the path of unhealthy denial, I think. Like me, they have recognized that their thoughts have a drastic effect on their reality. Knowing this, they deliberately shape their reality in such a way as to make themselves happy. Life becomes a perpetual orgasm, so to speak. A pleasure house of happiness and joy.

This is all well and good. It satisfies a great many of very intelligent and conscious people to live like this. Everything is done for the purpose of achieving ever greater happiness and enjoyment from life. If you look closely enough, this is effectively what this website is set up to do. Teach a series of courses with the aim of living a ‘happier’ life as a result.

But what if you’re aim isn’t to be happy? I could, quite frankly, care less about happiness. What is the real difference between happiness and sadness? They are both sides of the same coin, so to speak. I’m not looking to embrace on side over the other. I’m looking to throw away the whole damn coin, and see what it is that gives us the ability to look at the coin.

This leads me, naturally, into a Zen like state. Perhaps if I really want to accomplish the mission at hand I should become a monk and sit in meditation searching for the answer. Assuming that Christ exists, this would likely be the best way to find Him, I think. The answer, as always, lies within our souls. Waiting for us to stumble over it on some bright sunny day.

ACIM distinguishes between Perception, and what it calls Knowledge. I understand perception quite well – it is an ever changing thing at our own command. In ACIM the goal is to increase your perception so that all you see is good, effectively. This aligns your perception with Christ perception, making it ‘easier’ to make the transition into true knowledge. But what is true knowledge? This is what gets me. Always. What is true knowledge? It is this very lack of knowledge and basic understanding that I find so frustrating in life.

What do we really know? Nothing! The mind is a flabbergast of components and compartments. Our intellect is only one way to view the world. The fact that something that I’ve put so much faith in has failed so miserably at arriving at any conclusions drastically pisses me off. I still know nothing. Life goes on, quite unchanged from the way it was before. Certainly, I am happy. Successful. Smart. I am, as they say, winning at the game of life. But I don’t remember signing up for this game. When did it really begin? When will it really end?

They say that you can die at any moment. I could keel over, right now. This depresses me. Greatly. I mean, it’s really soul crushing. The only way out of this experience is to deny the existence of death. But I’m not after cheap illusions. If I’m going to deny something for my own sanity, I want to know that it isn’t true first. I guess you can say that I’m not a faith based kind of person. It’s difficult for me to just ‘have faith’ that life will go on.

But – on the flip side – I have seen an enormous amount of evidence that supports Christ and His argument. BTW, when I say Christ, I mean the entire spiritual paradigm of reality. I don’t know why I’m using His name in this context. It just feels right to me, for some reason. Even though I don’t consider myself a Christian, and I don’t go to church, I’ve always felt a strange connection with Christ for some reason. Just thinking about Him now fills my heart with Joy. How is that? How does that work?

Is it simply that my mind associates Christ with Joy? Is it that my brain has some neurons connection the intellectual understanding of Christ and the experience of extreme euphoria? I still don’t understand.

I reflect now on the time that my awakening, as it were. There was a voice, in my head. I am Christ, it kept saying. I am here to help, it said. I am Christ. At the time I thought I was losing my mind – and perhaps I was. I rejected the thought because, obviously, I am not Christ. And I feel bad even to have that kind of thought run through my mind. So I rejected it. It never occurred to me that it may have originated, as it were, in someone else’s mind. And yet, based upon the experience that followed, that is exactly what happened.

During that time I was sleeping very deeply. So deeply, in fact, that I wet the bed once. Which is incredible, considering that I’ve never done that before in my life, to the best of my recollection. Whenever I meditate during the day, and focus on staying in present moment awareness and letting go of all of my thoughts, judgment, and perception of things, I find myself drifting back to a state of blissful euphoria. There is a certain peace involved in letting go of your life. Control, it seems, is a central aspect of the ego thought system.

The real question, however, is this. Is control a central part of the ego thought system because of evolution? Clearly, the mechanism of security and control would contribute to the survival of the organism. An organism not in control of his or her own fate would be far less likely to survive and reproduce. Even if this control were simply an imaginary thing that didn’t exist in an absolute sense.

There is an alternative explanation, however. An explanation that is supported by ACIM and a variety of psychic mediums around the world, mystics, and other spiritual enthusiasts. The alternative explanation is that the ego thought system must maintain control and dominance in order to ensure its own existence. Which means that, without control and dominance, it would cease to exist. This would effectively relinquish control back to your true, spiritual self.

After you walk so far down the road, however, there is an odd paradox that you encounter. Or at least, that I have encountered. The only way to truly tell if death is real is to face it. But before you face death, you will never know if it is real or simply a lie made up in order to control you. Do you, then, place your very life itself into the hands of Christ, and hope for the best?

It would appear that, if there is to be a moving forward, as it were, this is the only option available. But there is fear there, which stops me. A fear from long long ago. Ancient, really. The fear of death is like a dark cloud that blots out the sun. The only way to the sun, is to go through the clouds.

For someone who hasn’t been to the edge and back, as this soul has been, this may not seem like a big deal. People deny death over, and over, and over again. They don’t enjoy talking about it. They don’t enjoy thinking about it. It depresses them. Probably even more so than it depresses me. And so they pretend as though it doesn’t have any power over them. But when you sink down, underneath of that denial, there is still a dark cloud of fear there. A certain kind of terror, that, over the years and centuries has been buried with all kinds of other crap on top. Negative judgment, as well as a variety of other false illusions.

Certainly, I have gone off of the beaten path. In fact, I would say that I’m not on a path at all anymore. I am slowly floating above the paths, looking down, wondering if I should stay or go. Is there enough for me here?

What is a thought system, really? What is a paradigm? If there is some kind of hidden Truth to reality, would it really come in a thought system? Do you really think that the meaning of life can be put into an equation?

Coming from a place before equations and thought existed, I would say the answer must be no. The very nature of thought itself precludes the possibility that the meaning of life can be found in thought alone. And so the one tool that I thought I could rely on to guide me along this path, has failed. In a big way, too. It’s not like a failed test or something. It’s more like the earth falling into the sun and everyone burning in an inferno kind of failure. That is the amount of faith that was placed in the intellect.

So now I’m here, although I do not know where here is. It’s all relative to something else. Where is the absolute in the world? Where is the rock that I can place my feet on? There is something at the bottom of it all. I can feel it. Like it was yesterday. A distant past. A memory, once removed from the mind, thrown out, and forgotten, that is slowly resurfacing. I remember now.

The memory, it seems, has something to do with the nature of who…no, what. I am. Self identity exists as a certain kind of image. A thought. An imagination. An illusion. What is life? What is the source of life? Certainly the current actions that you perform is not why life exists. You can stop, sit, and do nothing, and yet your awareness will remain. Life will continue. Are you, then, the origin? Certainly not. Is there some aspect of yourself that is the origin?

That is the question…

Take care.