In college you pay someone else a lot of money to give you work to do. In the real world, you get paid a lot of money, even though you’re still doing the same kind of work.

In college, you only have to please the professor. In the real world, you have to please the customers, your boss, your boss’s boss, your wife, your kids, and your neighbor’s dog.

In college, you stay up all night drinking beer, playing games, and having sex. In the real world you have to beg for sex, you pass out at 10:00, and then get woken up throughout the night by your screaming newborn.

In college, your grade is based on how well you do on homework and exams. In the real world, your paycheck is based on how well you can bull shit your way out of things, how much your company values your position, and how often you threaten to go work somewhere else.

In college, your parents pay for your tuition, food, and books. In the real world, you pay for your parents health care, retirement, and golf games.

In college you can skip class half the time and still make a decent grade. In the real world you can skip work half the time, but your boss will fire you and your wife will get half your stuff.

In college you go to class from 8:00-2:00, you get 6 weeks of holiday off, and you get the whole summer off. In the real world you get three weeks a year of vacation and holiday pay which you spend fixing the leaky pipes in your house, running your kids to and from appointments, mowing the lawn, and arguing with your debt collectors.

In college you learn everything from expensive textbooks and grouchy old men. In the real world, you learn everything from Google and Wikipedia.

In college, you can eat a whole pizza and not gain an ounce. In the real world you have to buy bigger pants just from eating a granola bar.

In college, it’s okay to have sex with multiple women in one month. In the real world, your wife shoots you if you stare at another woman for too long.

In college, everyone is nice, friendly, and laid back. In the real world, everyone is paranoid and schizophrenic.

In college, there are huge parties every weekend that include beer, playing games, having fun, and getting laid. In the real world, your company throws a formal party once a year. There is no beer, games, or sex, and afterward upper management talks about the company objectives for next year.

In college, professor’s tell you what’s important for the real world. In the real world, you realize that professor’s aren’t in touch with reality.

In college, you play video games just for the fun of it. In the real world, video games are another form of stress relief.

In college, you can piss away the whole summer, and no one would care. In the real world if you piss away the afternoon someone is calling you wanting to know what the hell you’re doing.

In college, you spend all of your time trying to get a white piece of paper with your name on it. In the real world, you spend all your time trying to get green pieces of paper with other people’s names on them.

In college, you can be broke, homeless, and drunk, and still get laid. In the real world, you have to be filthy rich and handsome just to get a girl’s attention. Then your wife shoots you afterwards.

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